Everyone wants the best relationship but others are sorting out ways on how to be a better lover.
We all have different characteristics. We all react to some situations differently. The same goes for people in relationships. Sometimes we often wonder if we can offer the barest minimum. Humans struggle to be the better version of themselves and talk more about being better lovers. The effect of a wilting relationship can be felt by the two parties. How so? When you aren’t treating your loved one right, you’d surely know.
We often desire answers to our partner’s attitude to the relationship. It is obvious when you start to treat someone the wrong way. They also know when they’re being treated wrongly. But they might not want to speak out because they want to overlook it.
Most people think being a better lover means being good at sex. It isn’t about sex. When a relationship is mainly based on sex, unfortunately, that is the only thing your partner has to offer. A romantic relationship doesn’t entirely encompass intimacy. In fact, it is a known fact that emotional intimacy exists.
There is nothing more traumatizing than emotional stress. It affects your whole well-being. You begin to lack focus and concentration. A lot of lovers fail to enhance their relationship because they have lost touch. They don’t connect to each other like they used to. Connection in this concept does not necessarily mean in the bedroom but outside the bedroom. How do you both interact with each other?
Do you have a common ground? Yes, having a common ground is essential. If you feel disconnected in any way, it can also affect your sexual life. It is common knowledge that men connect easily with their partners sexually. Females, on the other hand, have a stronger connection with their partners. For men, an emotional connection may not be their center point.
When there is a hiatus in the relationship, you get to question yourself if you are a better partner. If you don’t, your partner might do it for you. What does it mean to be a better person? A first step to being a better lover is redirection. Ask yourself this question. Are you a better person outward and inwardly?
Understanding yourself helps you become a better person. This also reflects in your behavior. Especially how you interact with your lover. When you become a better person, you will understand the intricacy of emotions. So the next question is how do you become a better lover?
First off, becoming a better lover has to be intentional. From your side. Know what you want and build on it. No matter how difficult it is, once you think of your partner, it should motivate you. Becoming a better lover is everyone’s goal but certain factors never allow us to accomplish this.
ways on how to be a better lover
Listen to your partner
In a relationship, listen to each other more. Psychologically, when you listen to what anyone has to say, it makes them feel heard. They know you are making an effort to understand them. No matter how complex the matter is. Even if they some send home the message the fact that you’re listening to them is a measured effort to them.
Ever heard the phrase “everyone loves a good listener.” Yes, don’t just be a listener. Be a good one. It is important you learn to differentiate between the two. You can listen to whatever they have to say but in reality, you’re a lot in your own world. When they’re done talking, they some feel relaxed. It doesn’t make any difference. They even feel worse after talking to you.
A good listener carefully pays attention to the talker. They ask relevant questions where they get lost. They don’t belittle what their partner has to say. No matter how little the matter is, it is important. So, listen to them. Be a good listener!
Don’t invalidate their feelings
Never invalidate their feelings. It makes them feel small. They continue to cover their insecurities. You might do this subconsciously. Yes, it is. For instance, when they tell you they don’t trust you anymore or they’re feeling a certain way. Most times, we don’t know how to reply to this. Instead of making their feeling important, we tend to make them obscure.
Telling them things like “You’d get over it. It’s normal. I felt that way last week and you didn’t hear a word from me.” You are technically saying their feelings are unimportant to be discussed. The next time your partner tells you how they feel, reassure them. Tell them it is okay to feel that way and talk about it.
Take responsibility for your action
This is one of the important ways on how to be a better lover. Sometimes, humans love to throw blame games at others. Why? Because it feels safe. Your mind makes you feel like it is the right thing to do. Before you know it, you think you are suddenly not at fault. This happens to us a lot and I admit to this one.
Relationships are a merry-go-round. To think that whatever you do affects your partner is true. Remember Newton’s law? “For every action, there is an equal reaction.” The same goes for your actions in your relationship. To be a better lover, learn to take responsibility for your actions.
If you’re wrong, admit it and try to make amends. If it is possible. Running won’t solve the problem. Your partner will probably think you’re not mature enough in the relationship. Taking responsibility for your actions proves you’re mature for the long run. Asides that, it is also an admirable trait. Don’t throw blame around. Take responsibility!
This is often swept under the carpet. Most people think there is no need to tell your partner how you feel about. They feel that way because they are already in a relationship with them. This technically shows that they know how you feel about them. This is wrong and should stop!
Because you’re already in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t tell them how much they mean to you. Some couples tell each other “I love you” occasionally. I mean why do that? Tell them every day. Your partner wants to hear how much you adore and love them. Tell them how grateful you are to have them in your life. Drop that mushy text. Make them feel all mush on the insides.
Reassurance is a way to tell your partner that no matter how long the union gets, you’d always choose them. It’s them forever. No matter how tough it gets, you would always be by their side. Come light or dusk.
Take your relationship seriously
No matter the duration, take the relationship seriously. Even if it’s a one-night stand, a short term, or a long term relationship. Always take it seriously. Most people do not like paying attention to their relationship because they have fear of uncertainty. They do not know how it will end. Well, who cares?
You weren’t forced to go into so why not take it seriously. A relationship is not a playground. Not go off and on your partner. To be a better lover, you have to take your relationship seriously.
Pay attention to them
This is a delicate rule. Pay attention to your partner. They might need your help and want to talk. If you don’t pay attention to them, someone else will. And it won’t be pretty. Drop work at the office before heading home. When you’re home, they’re all yours and you’re for them.
You can’t be on the phone with Derek from human resources when your lover has been waiting for you. When your head is stuck into your job, you barely pay attention to your lover. You subconsciously neglect their needs. Trust me, they begin to recline in the relationship. This makes them locked in a corner.
If you keep it going, they may resolve to other means. Some people would go-ahead to get attention from other people. Trust me in this, your lover left dozens of people just for you. Those guys are always waiting to get back to your partner. Be smart. Be wise!
Never have casual sex
This makes your lover feel cheap. You can’t have sex with your partner without emotions. That is an important factor that connects you both during sex. The emotion. When you have sex without emotions, you make your significant other important. It is a means to connect.
I mean this isn’t a one-night stand so why have sex like you some know each other. Slow things down. Communicate. Touch them gently, you’re in no rush. This is sex. It isn’t an assignment or a game. Casual sex makes them feel like their use is just for sex. It makes them feel inferior. They conclude that you’re only with them for what you’re getting. Please make your partner feel worthless. Add emotion!
Never fake orgasms
Faking orgasms secluded your partner from you. You are doing the opposite of communicating. There is no point in lying about it when you feel your partner isn’t making it fantastic with you.
Faking orgasms makes your partner think they are on the right side. Like they know your body and what it likes. Be transparent with them. If they aren’t getting you to climax, talk to them. It is better than faking it.
When you tell your partner you have been faking it. They might feel hurt due to you faking, but they will change. They will ask you what you want and change techniques. This is a great start. With that said, don’t fake orgasms, communicate!
Talk about sex often
Talk about sex! This applies to people who just started dating. Yes, if you have a new partner, talk about sex. Watch movies together and talk about movie sex. Tell each other what arouses you. What positions do you like? If you want to take things slow, play around in your underwear.
You could sit around all day with something sexy. Take that shirt off. Wear a sexy bra. Fluent your bodies for each other. The little things do matter.
Use sex toys
Who said a slight modification was terrible? If you want more excitement in the bedroom. You can use sex toys. This increases enthusiasm for both of you. This massively boosts orgasms. Many people feel shy when they get to incorporate this with their partners. There’s no need to feel nervous. Talk about it. Sex is flexible as you can do whatever and whenever.
According to statistics, most couples fail at sex because they are confident. You have to be confident. Put your fears away and take charge. According to sex therapists, confidence during sex increases the chances of both of you climaxing at the same time.
Don’t get scared. Talk dirty to one another. Say things your partner loves to hear. Get kinky under the sheets. There are no rules here. It is a safe zone! Be bold and make that move. Try everything you want, as far as your partner consents to it. Then it is fine.
How should you interact with your partner?
Communication without comprehension is the same as nothing. Make sure the other party is ready to listen. Have playful moments. It shouldn’t be future talks all the time. It makes the union boring a drops many expectancies draining the power button in a relationship. So, press snooze on serious mode and talk like teenagers.
Relationships are hard work. It takes a lot of commitment, trust, and honesty to keep it running. Though it might have a rocky path, it comes with roses in every corner. Becoming a better lover is a great thing to do. It means you want to step up your game. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to become a better lover both in bed and outside.
Go for it! It’s a whole new experience. If you follow all the ways on how to be a better lover listed here you will not regret it!