The last thing couples would want in a relationship is a breakup. The emotional trauma and instability coupled with separations and divorce are depressing. After years of sharing memories, laughter, and grief, calling it quits can be a hard decision to make.
Have you ever wondered why some couples last longer and some don’t in their relationships and marriages? I mean, we even root for some teams, but in the end, it goes south. And, we are left wondering, what went wrong? They have a strong bond. Well, no matter how strong a bond is, it can be broken. It might be the little things; it is always the little things.
Also, it is not about how long you have been together or how much of the same person you both are. Suppose you both are not on the same page or path. It will never work out. Couples end relationships for some issues they failed to address from the onset. Do not ignore red flags. Once you see one, speak out before making that decision. Below are a few reasons why power couples do not last and why an average team does;
1. Withdrawal during arguments
This is a terrible thing to do if you want your relationship to last. Couples that stay longer always address issues face to face. No matter how draining or annoying it is, never withdraw from arguments. You keep piling unsaid words, and one day, you have an outburst. This outburst could take your relationship into the rocks.
Couples that last long shoulder all arguments. No matter how harsh it may sound to the other person, spit it out. This category of couples never withdraws themselves from relationships.
2. Take responsibility
My number one rule, you cannot justify it, do not do it. Always take responsibility for your actions. Don’t blame it on the other person. Couples that last longer take serious responsibility for their every move. When you begin to neglect them, then the problem arises.
Instead of blaming your atrocities, you push them to the other person. This proves how unreliable the person is. For this reason, some couples never make it to the finish line.
3. Never keep secrets
Everyone knows how this ends. The moment you keep secrets as a couple, an ebb is produced in the relationship. Hiding information from your partner may seem like the easy way. You may think they would never know in retrospect, it will start telling on you. You start lying or behaving like you are agitated.
Couples that last long tell each other everything. This is the number rule of a healthy relationship. Where is the trust when you keep hiding everything from them? The crack on the iceberg is when you flippantly dissuade them because you feel they cannot handle it. This is wrong. No matter how nasty or revolting a secret is, it is best to share it with your significant other. Remember they are supposed to be your safe space.
4. Disrespect is a good reason why some couples last longer and some don’t
Couples that do not accord themselves respect tend to fall apart. I do not mean to worship the ground they step on but regard them as important figures in your life. If you do not respect the other person’s choices and preferences, they never want to talk to you about any decision they make.
Yes, believe it or not, it is true. They would not want to tell you how their day went or new developments in their life. They would feel disrespected because you would not take them seriously or rather, talk them out of it. Couples who do tend to go offshore. For a healthy and thriving relationship, respect each other’s sessions and life choices.
People do not know this but always set boundaries before you plunge into a relationship. Having boundaries does not mean shutting out your partner. It just reinstates your green and red zones. What do I mean by that? Statistics have shown that couples who understand their partner’s boundaries enable them last longer.
Set boundaries. For instance, your significant other having a mental note of your triggers is excellent. This way, they would not use them against you. People tend not to know when they are going too far with their jokes or overindulging. By setting boundaries you get to protect yourself and your partner from future arguments. This helps couples have a longer relationship.
6. Egoistic syndrome
If one of you is engulfed in their ego, of course, the relationship will never last. Do you want to know one of the key elements that help couples stay strong? Humility. Yes, I am dead serious. Love and ego can never coexist. If anything, they will crush each other and nothing remains. Couples who last long are humble and down to worth with one other.
In a lasting relationship, it has zero tolerance for the egoistic syndrome. There is a lack of selfishness. So if you’re wondering why your fave couple is growing strong. This is probably why.
Can a relationship last without a solid trust foundation? I doubt that, honestly. In all truthfulness, I think the reason most couples last is because they trust each other. I mean if I cannot trust you then why would I want to spend the rest of my life with you? Tragic. Trust is an essential element to any couple’s longevity.
Your partner can travel for a while and you are at peace knowing your other person is not slacking off. I know, it takes a high level of trust to attain this feat.
8. Superiority complex
This behavior is arguably irritating. Superiority kicks in when you have seen your partner’s flaws and drawbacks. Suddenly, you feel you are better than the other person. You feel you are perfect and the other person is inferior to you.
Showing contempt towards your partner is a one-way ticket to a separation or divorce. Experts say seeing your partner in an inferior light is the “kiss of death” to any relationship. Couples should see each other as equals. Nobody is above anyone. Apply this and you will realize that lasting relationship need the little elements to reach their heights.
9. Emotional imbalance
Yes, an emotional imbalance is a thing. Imagine crying to your lover and instead of being a shoulder to cry on, they transfixed. They remain motionless. A couple’s emotions have to be on the same page. It shows you how much they want to share in your pain. Not some mundane human that feels crying is unnecessary.
Couples should always have a shared meta-emotion to enhance smooth communication and reflection. How your partner handles emotions also matters. So please do not act as a log of wood and show them you understand what they are going through. We are human after all.
Remember when they tell you to always sacrifice a little and do things for your loved ones, yes this is it. You have to compromise for your significant other. In a healthy and loving relationship, a compromise is not about going to their favorite restaurant even though you hate it. It simply means the conscious and well-thought decision to accept one another, regardless of the flaws. Couples that last, once in a while give up their needs for their partners.
You must not be right all the time. If you can not agree on something unanimously, just give in to the other person. This saves you both hours of bickering and arguing. Being in control every time is no fun. Let them have it. Control is not limited to just one person. You both can have it. Now you see that some couples never agree to reach a compromise. They both think they are right.
Even as kids, we were told never to compare ourselves to people. There is a wise saying that goes, “Comparison is the thief of happiness.” I promise you, once you compare yourself to someone else, you create a false expectation of yourself that you don’t even need. What happens next? Sadness sets in, followed by depression.
The same applies to romantic relationships. The moment you start comparing your partner to another person, problem sets in for you and them. They become insecure around you. The air becomes tense whenever they are around you. You start feeling incomplete because you believe they are lacking.
You both start having unnecessary arguments and before you say, Jack Robertson, you cannot stand one another. Finally, you decide to call it quits. Couples that last never compare themselves to other people. They believe they are unique. After all, it is you both against the world.
12. Different paths
Yes, this is another topic of discussion. Many people try to shroud this aspect of their lives. Couples that last know what they want for themselves. They have the same focus and path. They are in alignment. Couples should have the same vision. They should serve as an anchor for another.
For instance, one of them might say they do not want kids but the other wants kids. They should always discuss this before getting married. This can cause a rift between both of them. If both parties cannot agree on one decision, everyone does as they like. This causes a tremendous effect on the relationship.
Couples that stay long together have the same vision. They think alike. This doesn’t just make the relationship last, it strengthens the bond between them. When you are on the same page with your significant other, everything will fall in place. Your journey in life becomes seamless and easier because you know that no matter what happens, they will be there to back you up.
13. You hold on to past grudges
Holding on to the past never helps anyone. It does not help you heal. The healing process requires one to forgive and forget. No matter how much they have wronged you. Holding on to the past makes you more focused. Some people hold on to their past, it affects their relationships. Because of their past hurt, they think it might happen again in their present relationship. They end up excluding themselves.
For a relationship to work, your partner needs your complete and undivided attention, love, and care. Couples that last do not live in the past. In order to enjoy your relationship, forego the past and look ahead. Couples build a future with their love and not dwell on the past.
14. Financial trust
Financial security is key for the growth of any successful couple. Money management is important. Couples that last long know how to manage their financial affairs. They save and invest together. Once one of you is extravagant and does not know how to spend, problems set in. Once the other starts spending frivolously, before you know it, they are both bankrupt.
15. Lack of gratitude
This is a relationship deal-breaker. Lack of gratitude. You do not show them how grateful you are for having them. It is not about the “I love you’s,” every day. Take them out on dates, peck them, gift them. These little features of gratitude make a couple grow stronger.
16. Changing your significant other
Some couples try to change their partner to be like them. Isn’t their uniqueness in diversity? That is what makes every couple unique. You both are meant to complement one another like yin and yang. Never change your lover, instead, love their imperfections.
17. Lack of forgiveness
A couple that does not forgive one another will always hold resentment towards themselves. Resentment is the fastest way to destroy love. If you do not forget one another, the relationship will hit rock bottom.
Always listen to your partner. Hear what they want. Everyone wants to be heard, so does your significant other. Pay attention to their every word. It shows that they are not ignored and are important.
19. Cheating is a vital why some couples last longer and some don’t
Cheating should never be tolerated. Once one of you cheats once, the relationship capsizes even though you get forgiveness. Couples that stay long never cheat. Being enough for one another is key.
20. Rushing into the relationship
Never rush into a relationship. Take time to know and study your partner. This helps a couple last longer in the relationship.