Are you afraid to love? or you’re in a relationship with someone who is? We’ve got a solution.
Love is a fantastic feeling, it is part of everybody’s life whether single or married. However, it can be frightening sometimes especially when it is between couples. While some find falling in love apprehensive, others find the thought of falling in love terrifying.
Nobody knows who they are going to fall in love with, but what if you fall in love with someone having philophobia and you find yourself searching the internet on what to do if you are in love with a person who is afraid to love, this will only happen when your heart is already interested in that person and you are looking for a solution to them, and amazingly, that is the content of this article.
What is philophobia
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Philophobia is simply the fear of falling in love, meaning it is the fear of getting or committing to a relationship. Everybody experiences a minor fear at some point when falling in love, and in extreme cases, it can make people feel isolated and unloved. Philophobia is not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder (DSM), meaning it is not a condition that can be diagnosed by a doctor. People with philophobia often experience a lack of intimate relationships or feel anxious in the relationship.
Why are people afraid of falling in love
Experience
People who experience a traumatic relationship experience before will be afraid of falling in love again especially if they don’t have a strong heart, to begin with. They will be afraid of betrayal, heartbreak, or infidelity. This is why they will prefer to stay away from romantic relationships. Other relationships like parental and friendship can also lead to this fear.
Fear of rejection
Research shows that rejection can have physical and mental effects on the body. Most people who experience one or two rejection overcome it, but when it becomes consistent in the sense every relationship they try they will get rejected, the fear of trying another relationship will keep them away from the relationship entirely.
Cultural experience
Some cultures put pressure at a certain age for young people to get married, this can cause fear of falling in love especially if that person does not want to have any traditional experience.
Fear of space
Some people are afraid to fall in love because they fear that their relationship won’t give them the space they need.
What to do if you are in love with a person who is afraid to love
When you find yourself interested in someone afraid of love, don’t fret, that is not the end of the world, there are ways to deal with that, all you need is patience. Below are a few strategies to use when you fall in love with someone afraid to love.
Understand them first
Understand your partner first, know that is not like they are afraid of the love itself, rather the pain that might follow if thighs did not go positively. They don’t want to be vulnerable or open their heart in fear of being cast away later. They are afraid of a failed relationship, what to do here is to not press the issue and trick them into falling in love unnoticeable.
Break their walls
People with philophobia have a defense wall around them that prevents them from falling in love or even getting close to anyone. So if you want a relationship with this kind of person, you have to break their defense wall. Be careful while doing so because they often push away people that come too close to them. So it is not an easy job, you need to have the patience to achieve a good result. Before you start, think through everything, can you withstand the pressure till the end of you will just quit before you start.
Take everything slowly
Don’t use an aggressive or fast method on them, they will reject you immediately they understand, and you can’t decide to wait for them because they will take forever to look for you. Your weapon here is their heart, so aim for it. Their heart has a large hole that needs to be filled. Their brain will remain alert all the time so you have to be careful, while you are filling that hole with your thoughts and presence, beware of everything that will alert them.
Don’t push
Know that even though they cannot stop themselves from falling in love again, they can avoid being in another relationship, and the simplest way to get away here is by entering the friendship zone. Be honest with them, the only place you can lie is by hiding your true intentions towards them. Be an honest friend to them because most people are betrayed through lies in their previous relationships, so they tend to hate and detest lies and liars.
Don’t be always available
Your regular availability will trigger that defense wall in them, so be scarce sometimes, don’t take every opportunity that presents itself, don’t create too many coincidences, allow them to love for you. Learn about their interest through the people close to them or social media.
Don’t stalk them
It will be over for you if they catch you stalking on them. Find something they like doing and match it with yours. For example, if both of you love Chinese food, go to a Chinese restaurant with your other friends, you can later invite them to have a group eating with your other friends, the more people around, the less guarded they will be. Also don’t force yourself to like things because of them, don’t be too perfect, it will only raise alarm to them.
Don’t focus on them
When you go out in a group, don’t focus on them only, even if you are not enjoying the other people, pretending you are enjoying the presence of the crowd. The more they see you are comfortable with others, the more they see you as a safe person. At the start of the relationship, it will be better to go out with other people, this way they will take the outing as a legitimate date.
Avoid talking about their past or future
Don’t ever remind them about the reason they are afraid of love, this is a wrong move, the last thing you want is to ruin all the efforts you made with talking about their experience, this will only stop them from having any relationship with you. Stick to the present and have fun, talking about the future will also remind them how they planned everything with their ex, and things eventually lead to negative results.
Be patient
Remember, in every aspect of life patience is an important key, this is also included in a relationship. Understand that everything needs time, the moment they realize they are in love with you. They will deny it, they will do everything they can to remove you from their lives. When you noticed they are pushing you away, abide by it stay away from them, and don’t even ask for the reason. It indicates they realize you have broken their defense wall and they want to rebuild it. Give it some week and create a coincidental encounter hopefully everything will be alright and you will enjoy a happy relationship.
5 steps to overcome the fear of love
Be honest with yourself
The first step to overcome philophobia is, to be honest with yourself about why you are afraid. Identify the root of your fear, and pin the specific reasons.
Feel your feelings
Once you identify the reasons for your fear, allow yourself to fully experience those feelings, although you may have lingering doubt, it is better to understand your emotions better. Remember that although you can live with someone forever, another person should not be your end. You will have the opportunity to meet a better person along the way.
Pick a worthy partner
Know that your next partner is not your ex, put any negative feelings aside, and look at the relationship as a whole. When you meet someone that you think can fit your personality, don’t push them away easily, you just need time to know and understand how to trust them with your heart. Ritter, a relationship therapist said “we still often end up desperately longing for that irresistible someone. It is terrifying but also exhilarating, vivid, and, from my perspective, the point of it all.”
It is ok to be vulnerable
Likewise, It takes time to open and trust another person with your heart, take steps to confide in that person while you are getting over the fear you experienced before, be a bit vulnerable. Emotional intimacy is important to be close with people dear to you. You might feel you are self-sufficient but honestly, you need someone to relay to sometimes and this will strengthen you.
Know that everything takes time
Nothing happens overnight, understand it will take time to overcome your fears, you don’t have to dive in immediately you have feelings for someone new, take things slowly to process your feelings, weigh the pros and cons, and build a trust foundation. Make a conscious effort to open up to your partner
Final thoughts
When it comes to love, nobody can control their heart. What to do if you are in love with a person who is afraid of love is something not hard but it needs patience, and understanding to get away with a positive result.
Read Also: What it Means by Having a Passionate Sex
