How to Forgive Yourself for Cheating? And you’re dead with guilt? Read on
Friday morning, you are sitting on the kitchen counter stirring your tea while thinking about last night’s event. You told your hubby you are going out with your friends for a girl night, but you end up having intense and mind-blowing sex with another man. So you can’t even raise your head to look at your partner.
You did go for the girl’s night but you later became bored and decide to taste the forbidden fruit. The sex was so thrilling yet wrong. As guilt take over your mind, you start regretting, and can’t even think about anything else except the question popping in your mind “can I forgive myself after cheating.”
Many people think a relationship is like the romantic movies they used to watch with zero obstacles and everything going smoothly, but this is only a fantasy, when entering a relationship you want things to go as expected but it does not go like that due to some factors, and one of these factors is cheating. There are many reasons why people cheat, and finding these reasons will help both parties to whether move on or not.
Why did I cheat in the first place?
One of the names you will hate to be called is “a cheater” and this is why you asked yourself when caught cheating “why did I cheat in the first place” after realizing the gravity of your actions and begin to wonder why didn’t you avert it in the first place. Sometimes, when you asked yourself why did you cheat, you will realize that you may be missed something in your relationship and ought to look for it outside. And in most cases, this does not mean they don’t love their partner.
But it might be challenging to get things back on the right track especially if you are still dwelling on your guilt and regret. But you need to learn the act of forgiving yourself after cheating to get your relationship back. Forgiving yourself means to start acknowledging the errors you made during judgment, it means accepting the cheat and learning from your mistakes.
On the other hand, cheating will present you with an opportunity to assess your relationship and ask yourself “am I ready for the commitment that a true relationship requires” maybe you have been looking for ways to beat yourself because of your actions, however, calm down you are a human and you can make mistakes. Don’t allow anybody to rub salt on your wound.
Understand that a relationship can survive an affair, moreover, your partner might not be the type to be too concerned about it, maybe he is understanding. Forgiving yourself mostly is harder than forgiving others, but you have to try your best because it is important.
Why did you need to forgive yourself?
If you want to move on and stop dwelling in your guilt and regret, then it is important to learn to forgive yourself because it will only make it difficult for you to fully relate and be present in your relationship. Both you and your partner need to work on that forgiveness, you must go through the process to get to where you want to be. Lack of forgiveness is a major setback in life. Understand this and you will have a peaceful life. And is only after you forgive yourself you will continue appreciating the things around you.
How to forgive yourself for cheating
There is nothing like a perfect relationship, even the best couples in the world will admit flaws and fractures in their relationship. What you did might be a one-off encounter, and you are afraid of telling your partner because you don’t want your children to suffer from separation or divorce.
But you can’t continue living with that guilt just because you want to save your family, you need to learn how to forgive yourself regardless of whether you can save your family or not. And there are several ways to forgive yourself after cheating, continue reading to get the best tips.
Be accountable for your actions, understand that everything has happened and you can’t change that, recognize where you screw up, know that your cheating whether one-off or regularly is your choice, and you have to continue living. You need to forgive yourself for what you did but that does not mean you should abandon your responsibilities because of your actions.
Don’t tell your self “it is once so it does not matter, I don’t need to tell my husband” this will only leave you growing in guilt, you might eventually start hating yourself, however, it will take you a lot of time to understand that you have messed things up, and this will not save your relationship, rather you have to face the truth and be accountable of your actions.
Don’t look for excuses, because you choose to cheat on your partner irrespective of the reasons even though you had the choice to not proceed with the affair. However, you are human, you can make mistakes, the bottom line is to learn from those mistakes and move on with your life. Work on yourself and your relationship and hopefully, you will overcome everything.
Write your feelings
Writing your feelings is another way to get things out of your head without hurting your partner. Keep a journal that you can right your guilt, regret, anger, and sadness. You have no reason to suppress your feelings and pretend there is nothing wrong.
You need an outlet, things often become worse when you keep them in your head, if you find it hard to forgive yourself after cheating, write it, if you can’t forgive yourself for other sins, write it, seeing your worries on a paper will lessen the burden, give you perspective, and help you to tackle the issue. And once you are done solving the problems, you can destroy the writings, burn them as a sign that you have healed, and move on.
Go beyond sorry
Sorry might be the hardest one but truly is just the starting point. If you have cheated and don’t feel like telling your spouse, you will likely feel terrible so consider going beyond that. While you keep asking yourself why did you cheat, it is better to reflect on your actions and ensure the situation does not occur again. Saying sorry can only partially help your relationship, you need to go beyond that, find ways you can heal your relationship, everything lies on you to mend things and make the relationship work.
Stop punishing yourself
This is a very important tip on how to forgive yourself for cheating, as it is time you stop punishing yourself, you are not moving on or being in a healthy relationship if you are still punishing yourself. You think you are cleansing yourself but you are digging a deeper hole of hate and pity for yourself. It won’t help your relationship or make you a better spouse.
Seek professional help
If you tried every way but didn’t work you can seek from professional; a therapist. Although this might be tricky when you don’t want your partner to know, and if it reaches the point you can’t continue hiding it from your partner, you can take a break from the relationship and sort yourself.
You don’t need to tell them you have cheated, rather you have some emotional issues that you need to address. You can also opt for online consultations or call someone over the phone. The entire purpose of therapy is to find someone to talk to who will not judge your actions.
Confessing will help hurt your partner
When you are ready to confess to your partner, it means you are putting a burden that might hurt them. If you want to confess to your partner, think about how they will feel but the important person is you, can you withstand the trust issues while your partner is suspicious of you because you cheat.
Understand what was missing in your relationship
It is possible you cheated because your relationship lacks what you are expecting. Maybe you move in with your partner but later realize you are not ready, if you think something is missing in your relationship, discuss it with your partner, don’t blame them for your action, if you think you cannot get what is missing in that relationship, then maybe is time you consider separation or divorce because holding a relationship that is not going to work will not help either of you.
Promise Never To Cheat Again
Cheating comes with a lot of guilt. but how to forgive yourself for cheating is very important because you can’t continue with the guilt of cheating. you should promise yourself never to cheat or lie to your partner again.
Whatever reason that made you cheat, it is necessary you forgive yourself and move on.
How to forgive yourself for cheating? It is not easy to do that, but with the right resources and patience, everything will become easy. If you feel you are a bad person, then do not bad person things. And the above list will help you get the best version of yourself.
Rather than breaking your spouse’s heart with your cheating story, learn to forgive yourself, believe that it has happened and you can change that. Understand that even the best couples sometimes experience flaws in their relationship. If you think things cannot go back the way they are, you can take a break from the relationship, and hopefully after you sort yourself things will go back to normal.