Want to know some signs your husband is not attracted to you? As painful as this may sound, these things happen.
Before getting married, I would say that if you were never physically attracted to your spouse, you might never be. This is trouble because there is something significant about initial chemistry that seems right. If there was once chemistry between the both of you but that attraction has waned, it may be redeemable.
So what is the Psychology of Attraction?
There are grounds or foundations or pillars upon which attraction and love begin before leading into a serious relationship. With due honor, there are good explanations on that from “Psychology Today“. A publication regarded as the world’s largest mental health and behavioral science publishing enterprise. From Psychology Today, the psychology of attraction has five pillars.
- Beauty – inner or outer beauty.
- Proximity – considered boring and non-romantic.
- Similarity – birds of the same feathers.
- You like them first.
- Non-sexual arousal – is termed “misattribution of arousal”.
What then breaches the boundaries of love to tear down marital commitments?
This article is dedicated to addressing the facet of marital relationships where women become the victim. Victims in the sense that despite the barrages of affection shared in past times with their husbands, they now suddenly become redundant. They are no longer found attractive by their spouse. We’ll travel quite a bit into this subject matter. Signs your husband is not attracted to you or no longer finds you attractive as before will be elaborately discussed.
Signs that show there is no attraction
When darkness begins to creep in and find its way into your home. There are elaborate signs you’ll notice that your husband isn’t attracted to you. These are discussed thus:
Saltatory disappearance of attention and the showers of affections
The knowledge that your husband isn’t showering affection to you any longer is truly exclusive to you.
Why did I say that?
The main reason is that there are particular changes in his behavior you can tell. If he’s not engaging in those little things he used to do before. Things like: not getting gifts or little surprises back from work. Not preparing tea or coffee and bringing it to your bedside. Not presenting flowers to you as before.
Now, you need to understand that just because he is not doing these things means he doesn’t love you. But that he used to do it in past times then he suddenly stopped. That’s the point, “he stopped”. And he used to do all of that willingly without grumbling, not as a task or chore, and also not as an errand. People unconditionally show love and affection to the one they love.
Also, your husband doesn’t listen patiently to your conversations, nor take your life affairs seriously. He doesn’t care about the latest things going on around you. Not even knowing if you got promoted at work. It could be worse if your birthday skipped his memory.
You also realized he doesn’t kiss you as often as before. Even when he does, there’s no intense kissing and hugging. He may not even care much about cuddling on the bed or spending quality time for chit-chat. This behavior makes it looks like you are living with your brother in the house and not a lover.
Also, he may not say “I love you” too many times and when he does, it’s very light and dry. It doesn’t come with the passion and desperation of wanting you.
You notice your husband isn’t romantic like he used to be
One other prominent and loud change you’ll notice is when the romance is quenched.
Before you guys tied the knot, so much was going on between you two. So many romantic things he did. It all began with mild chemistry between you too that later grew in intensity which led to wanting to be committed to each other. Well presently, all that romance has been watered down. Even when he tries to pretend or fake it, it seems burdensome, and you know it in his expression.
Before, he’ll frequently call out for a date and late dinners, but now all that is stressful and a total waste of precious time to him. He cuts down the number of times he surprises you with gifts. No more candles and flowers, not even a bouquet. One thing is required of you as a wife, “be confident and courageous”. All these may not be your fault.
Your husband suddenly transcends jealousy; also not being overprotective.
You may notice that he no longer wants to prove Superman. He’s not interested
When men are in love or continually attracted to a female, they tend to act out the hero in them. In Relationship Psychology, this is called the “hero instinct”. male’s testosterone makes them feel protective or over-protective over their lover’s safety and wellbeing.
It’s even more boring because even when he sees some other guy flirting with you, he shows no sign of jealousy. However, if his attraction for you just began waning, then he will suppress any feeling of being jealous. This, will he hide from you?
Meanwhile locked in the dark and shadow are schemes in his mind he wishes to employ to get rid of being hurt emotionally as far as you are concerned. Your husband is working really hard to shut you out.
Passion drops; less passionate sex. Dry foreplay.
This case is terrific. This factor alone is responsible for the reduction of the lifespan of many marriages worldwide. It’s common to find men and women cheats because there’s no heat and fire in marital sex. No connectivity and bonding.
When your husband constantly downplays the need for sexual intercourse and foreplay in your relationship, then the relationship has gone haywire. Trust me it’s hastily and speedily going down the wrong lane leading to a hell ditch.
This will tempt you to opt for other options to get sexual satisfaction. This kind of mistake can cost your relationship severe damages, especially where kids are involved.
This leads to trust issues. Where trust and faith are lacking, the foundation of that relationship is seriously shaken and the building might collapse. For this cause, your husband may not engage in good foreplay. The intense kissing is gone. Cuddling is scarce. No prolonged hugs and touches.
Finally, sex goes wrong because he suddenly becomes selfish. Giving you the sexual satisfaction you deserve becomes a stress for him. Once he attains orgasm, end of sex. Your happiness counts less. Actually, situations like this mostly require professional help and intervention.
Your husband’s commitment to the relationship dwindles.
This is when you discover that he’s afraid of doing too much so as not to reach his breaking limits.
He’s more reserved. No wastage of energy and resources. Calculative risk and costs are seriously considered. Your hubby cares less if things are going smoothly between you too provided he’s fine.
Again, your husband at this point shows less or no support to your affairs. Your carrier. Also, your dreams, visions, plans, and purposes. He can’t afford to lose too much or sacrifice much for your own course. This will deteriorate him. It might even intimidate him or spur up an unhealthy competition between you two. All this exists in his mind alone.
You will also see that your husband can’t sacrifice his time for hangouts. He suddenly grows cold and lacks the patience and endurance to engage in quality conversation with you. Therefore he can’t spend too much time with you like he previously use to. These are the signs your husband is not attracted to you.
Because of this attitude, he’s frequently pulling out of arguments. He doesn’t want to talk things out or address matters arising. And consequently, no time to play; always being serious.
One other prime thing you’ll notice is, your husband prefers spending much of the time alone at home. In some cases, he spends more time with friends than he does with his wife. He spends time with his hobbies if not working. Or gives more attention to his plans and purposes. Business becomes his priority and it suddenly becomes more precious and valuable than his marriage.
His care and concern towards you lessen; compliments and affirmative words will be found scarce and lacking.
You’ll notice that your husband shows less or no concern toward you. The regular texting, calling and the sweet things he used to do diminishes drastically. He rarely calls you sweet names like he formerly did in the past.
Affirmative words and phrases reduce. He may not say many positive things about the relationship.
Sadly, criticism may creep in. He finds it funny to say negative things, attacking your confidence level. He starts to pick up on every little thing.
Possible causes of this unattractiveness.
Certain things may be the cause for your husband’s lack of interest in you, or his attraction to you.
It could be your fault though, but most times it’s not your fault. You can’t fathom out what the heck is going on in your husband’s life, therefore you need to take out moments to calm down. Sometimes, you need a third party for your husband to open up and speak from the library of his mind.
Here are a few things for contemplation that could sum up those unpleasant behaviors of his.
Physical illness; traumatic experience; mental issues.
Your husband might be pulling away from intimacy because of his physical, mental, and Psychological state. He could be dealing with physical problems like illnesses, such as erectile dysfunction, ailments, etc.
He could be suffering from mental issues. Maybe traumatic events may have recently eloped in his day-to-day activities. For that, he’s mentally unstable. In most cases, he doesn’t want to involve his family in his miseries.
Depression and stress could be the things sapping your husband’s energy, leaving him little energy to spare for your relationship.
He’s constantly servicing an addiction.
If your husband has an addiction, he may not be able to focus his attention on anything else but his obsession. This addiction can drive his focus away from love and intimacy.
The addictions could be drugs. Alcohol. Porn. Sex or cheating. Homosexuality. Incest etc.
He’s experiencing a transition in his life.
If your husband is going through a period of transition in his life, it’s pretty going to be a tough one. His mental capacity may not be able to process or sort out all the things going on currently in his life. He feels overwhelmed and sometimes weak. He needs time to adapt to the ongoing changes and get back to himself.
For instance; If your husband is going through a job transition, it will take a toll on his mind and emotions. This transition could be a transfer or a promotion – with seemingly greater commitments and responsibilities. Human makeup is such that every circumstance experienced affects the mind. This will need patience and some period of isolation.
Another form of transition is if the business isn’t going well as usual. Things have changed, and unfortunately, he could have accumulated many debts. These things he discloses from you, because he doesn’t wish you partake in his vicissitudes.
However, there’s another kind of transition. this is where transition goes haywire. It’s a transition in his knowledge and understanding of life. I mean a situation where there’s a diversion from former perspectives and beliefs. Perhaps he’s come into a new order of knowledge and experiences that changes the way he thinks or he’s evolving into another kind of person.
This mental transition will brutally change his mind. His mind will take a new shape that will fit into this new experience and body of knowledge.
Where problems usually arise is where your husband seeks for divorce because of the new man he’s become. This is practically due to the things he now knows, believes, and accepts. In short, his belief system is a newly installed one, and his perspective on relationship matters might change as well.
What do you do? when you notice these signs your husband is not attracted to you
Find out what caused the changes.
Could it be you? If it’s you, find out what you did. Maybe you had a change of attitude towards your husband, perhaps due to his lapses and challenges. If it’s not your fault. Try to find out other causes. Like the ones earlier discussed.
Engage in a discussion with your husband.
Talk things out together. Maybe if you are more patient and understanding, he’ll spill the beans. Find out more from the conversation between you and your husband. From here, you and your husband can try to make little changes together.
Invite good and professional help.
It might just amaze you the wisdom you’ll learn from these people. Book a session with a therapist or a counselor. Meet your mentors and parents even reasonable elderly ones. Well, even if you don’t take all advice given, just honor and respect them for their concern.
Dress and Act in the way he loves
it might interest you to know that every man wants his wife to look sexy for him at all times. the phrase that says men are moved by what they see-, is quite true, therefore, it is imperative for a wife to look nice and attractive to her man.
The good times and the bad times are moments in life one can’t avoid. However, you need to pay attention to the moves of those periods in your life to make wise decisions.
There are bad marital timings like your husband not having enthusiasm in the relationship any longer. It’s important that in such times of marital shipwreck, you need to be as calm as possible. As the wife, you’ll have to diligently and searchingly learn to be particularly wise and discreet. You can’t afford to act foolishly or make more mistakes and take careless steps. This will come at a great cost.
For this reason. It’s important you attend to help. You need every possible good help and wisdom that’s available to guide you through the storms.
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